Ode to my hero

"
Jack Bauer could strangle you with a cordless phone.

Jack Bauer sleeps with a pillow under his gun.

Jack Bauer played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.

During the commercials, Jack Bauer calls the CSI detectives and solves their crimes.

When Jack Bauer was a child, he made his mother finish his vegetables.

Jack Bauer can get McDonald's breakfast after 10:30.

The Black Eyed Peas were just The Peas until Jack Bauer heard their music.

Jack Bauer doesn't speak any foreign languages, but he can make any foreigner speak English in a matter of minutes.

On a high school math test, Jack Bauer put down "Violence" as every one of the answers. He got an A+ on the test because Jack Bauer solves all his problems with Violence.

Simon Says should be renamed to Jack Bauer Says because if Jack Bauer says something then you better fucking do it.

Superman wears Jack Bauer pajamas.

When Google can't find something, it asks Jack Bauer for help.

Jack Bauer teaches a course at Harvard entitled: "Time Management: Making the Most Out Of Each Day."

Sun Tzu once wrote, "If your enemy is weaker, conquer him. If he is stronger, join him. If he is Jack Bauer, you're fucking dead."

Jack would never have given up the wet list... no one takes potential kills away from Jack Bauer.

Jack Bauer once killed so many terrorists that at one point, the #5 CIA Most Wanted fugitive was an 18-year-old teenager in Malaysia who downloaded the movie Dodgeball.

Quentin Tarantino was asked to direct a biography about Jack Bauer. He passed. It was too violent.

Tony was once shot in the neck, rushed to the hospital, underwent emergency surgery and was back on the job in just a few hours. Jack Bauer still can't believe that pussy went to the hospital first.

If Jack Bauer was gay, his name would be Chuck Norris.

You can lead a horse to water. Jack Bauer can make him drink.

All men are created equal. They are all vastly inferior to Jack Bauer.

Finding Nemo would have been vastly more exciting had Jack Bauer been looking for him.

Jack Bauer was conceived by torturing the other sperm until they gave up the location of the egg.

Jack Bauer has been to Mars. Thats why theres no life on Mars.
"


Source: The internet