So what have you done in your life?

In 96 hours, Jack Bauer has killed 93 people and saved the world 4 times. What the hell have you done with your life?

Jack Bauer can leave a message before the beep.

When Jack Bauer turns on an Xbox the screen just says "You Win" and turns itself off again.

When life gave Jack Bauer lemons, he used them to kill terrorists. Jack Bauer fucking hates lemonade.

When Jack Bauer goes to the airport and the metal detector doesn't go off, security gives him a gun.

Kim Bauer was an accident. Not even the pill can stop Jack Bauer.

There are no such thing as lesbians, just women who never met Jack Bauer.

People with amnesia still remember Jack Bauer.

Jack Bauer got Hellen Keller to talk.

When Jack Bauer pissses into the wind, the wind changes direction.

If you're holding a gun to Jack Bauer's head, don't count to three before you shoot. Count to 10. That way, you get to live 7 seconds longer.

Jack Bauer often stands in front of his microwave and yells "WE'RE RUNNING OUT OF TIME" while waiting for his Top Ramen to cook.

The "Smoothie" was invented when Jack Bauer needed information from a banana.

Jack Bauer came up with the idea to can and sell his own urine, that product is known as Red Bull.

Jack Bauer once forgot where he put his keys. He then spent the next half-hour torturing himself until he gave up the location of the keys.

Jack Bauer won the Tour de France on a unicycle to prove to Lance Armstrong it wasn't a big deal. He thinks yellow wristbands are gay.

After 7 minutes of interrogation at the hands of Jack Bauer, Tom Cruise admitted that he was gay.